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Miranda Kerr finally married her billionaire

July 16, 2017

 

While her ex-husband Orlando Bloom has been frolicking with his schlong out and f-cking 20-somethings, Miranda Kerr finally wed her billionaire in a wedding that made tricks like Jerry Hall and Liberty Ross rejoice.

 

The 34-year-old former Victoria’s Secret Angel was inducted into the Gold Digger Hall of Fame last May when she wed Snapchat co-founder and CEO, Evan Spiegel, 27. The magical day was documented by Vogue, because only peasants are featured in PEOPLE.

 

Kerr wore a custom Mormon bridal gown by Dior, which designer Maria Grazia Chiuri described as “simple,” yet “emotional.”

 

Kerr said:

 

I’ve had a lot of fun with fashion, and I used to be more wild, free, bohemian. But in this period of my life, my style is more pulled back. My greatest sources of inspiration have always been Grace, Audrey Hepburn, and my grandmother, who at 80 has an effortless chic: a nice pant, a white blouse, a scarf, a little heel.

 

In other words: Her husband has turned her from a ho into a housewife.

 

Kerr told Vogue, “A dress that fully covers you creates a sense of purity and mystery.”

 

Last year, she told The Times that she and her fiancé were waiting until their wedding night to have the sex. Good move, Miranda. A gold digger never puts out until he puts a ring on it, an important lesson we all learned from Heartbreakers.

 

The magical day began with yoga (the couple’s first date was at a kundalini class, whatever the f-ck that is). Then it was time to pop a chicken in her oven. Literally. While their 45 guests were being catered the exact same thing, she wanted to personally cook her hubby his favorite dish.

 

After weeping through the ceremony, Kerr sang some white trash version of Shania karaoke at the reception.

 

Upon returning from her honeymoon in Fiji, she told the magazine, “When I was young, my grandmother told me, ‘Miranda, men are very visual. It’s important to look good.’ I was like, ‘OK, Nan.’ ”

 

SH-T NAN! THANKS FOR THE REMINDER!

 

That same month, Snap’s shares dropped, lowering Spiegel’s net worth by $1 billion. He is currently worth $3.4 billion, the same as Kerr’s ex-boyfriend, James Packer.

 

Click here to see more pictures and a video of Kerr's dress fitting in which she swans around to "Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy."

 

Header image credit: Patrick Demarchelier/Vogue

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