Every couple of years or so, a trend comes along that is so blatantly trendy, that I’m scared of touching it for fear of looking like I’m “trying.” As Channing Tatum says in 21 Jump Street, cool people don’t try.
That said, is there anything more Try than strapping a $15 velvet ribbon around your throat? Case in point: Ariana F-cking Grande. The only person who can pull it off without looking like a twat is Lily Rose Depp, who has cool points forever because, obviously.
There’s also something costume-y about chokers. Unlike off-the-shoulder blouses and those goddamn bralets that Victoria’s Secret keeps screaming at me are SEXY NOW, wearing what is essentially a bracelet around my neck makes me feel like I’m impersonating Rose McGowan in Jawbreaker.
And yet. AND YET. I’m so tempted. For one season, I’d love to be a sartorial sheep and have a dainty little rose quartz dangling from my neck. Maybe I could ease myself in with a puka shell necklace until I’m comfortable enough to wear a leather strap emblazoned with D-A-D-D-Y in rhinestones.
Here’s the thing, though. I kind of have a phobia of things being too close to my neck. It’s fine as long as I don’t think about it. But once it’s on my mind, I get super uncomfortable, and need to yank at whatever’s binding me. I picked up this quirk from my mom, who refuses to wear turtlenecks for the same reason.
Maybe it’s for the best. It’s like my body is physically repelling a passing trend. Until I learn to own up to my desire to be cool, I’ll just scroll longingly through Pinterest and obsessively add chokers to my online wish list.
Image credit: Getty Images for Maybelline New York