To continue with our sh-tty nostalgia reboot theme (ahem, like Bridget Jones’s Baby and Legend of Tarzan), here is yet another sequel no one asked for: My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2: BIGGER FATTER GREEKER WEDDINGER.

Seventeen years after Toula’s (Nia Vardalos) big, fat Greek wedding to her xénos, Ian (John Corbett), it turns out her parents’ marriage certificate is invalid. Matriarch, Maria (Lainie Kazan) only agrees to marry father, Gus (Michael Constantine) if they can do it properly- WITH A BIG ASS GREEK WEDDING. Meanwhile, despite Toula’s pleas for her daughter Paris (Elena Kampouris) to attend college close to home, she can’t wait to go out of state to escape her crazy Greek family.

As much as I love Gus and Maria, I don’t think we need that much screen time devoted to their relationship. There’s a lot of hemming and hawing over whether or not they’ll marry, which, I mean… See title. I could see that they were trying to cover three generations with the parents, Toula and Paris. But like the wedding itself, there’s just too much going on. Did we really need a subplot about Gus’s estranged brother and whether or not he’s related to Alexander the Great? No one gives a sh-t.

I liked Paris’s story line because it’s a great way to explore what it’s like growing up as the third generation of an immigrant family with old-fashioned values. The fact that she’s mixed will resonate with so many kids (including myself) who are straddling two cultures. Unfortunately, there’s not much room for that with all the fussing over Maria and Gus’s wedding, WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY GOING TO HAPPEN.

Jokes that were so original and charming in the first film are either repeated exhaustively or come out of left field, with little context to remind us why they were funny in the first place. Some were better than others, like the aunties’ inability to use FaceTime and basically anytime Aunt Voula (Andrea Martin) was onscreen. SHE KILLED IT.

If you must see this movie, try to fast forward through the wedding scene. It is so cringe-y I was tempted to cover my eyes. As Maria and Gus are renewing their vows, Toula and Ian decide now’s a good time to reenact their own wedding ceremony at the back of the church. ALL WHILE JOHN LEGEND IS SINGING “ALL OF ME.”

Or maybe that’s your thing and I’m just a heartless b-tch. Anyway, this movie made me really want Greek food.

Awkward Photoshop seen above brought to you by Gold Circle Films/HBO Films

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