But... I thought Catwoman was supposed to be a badass?

Credit: Warner Bros.

The Dark Knight Rises was meh. I mean, if we’re going to be all technical about it, the quality was amazing and you can’t go wrong with a legendary cast but... Aren’t I supposed to be entertained? This one underperformed at the box office. It made a lot of money, but not to the extent the studio hoped. Well duh! The Dark Knight was so much better, and I didn’t have to keep pinching myself awake.

Whoever edited this mother should be shot because the movie was way too long. Two hours and 44 minutes. I can’t hold my bladder that long. I understand that Bruce (Christian Bale) has lost his mojo and is struggling to rebuild his Batman alter-ego, but must it take that long for Batman to get his act together? I feel like the rest of the characters are doing Bruce’s job for him while he spends half the movie trapped in a well. Thank you, Christopher Nolan for that beautiful metaphor, because I otherwise would never have understood the meaning of this film’s title.

Aside from the spectacular ending sequence, the editor could have done a better job. Or was it that people were too scared to tell a big Hollywood director that they didn’t agree with his vision? When you’re in a position of power, people don’t have the nerve to tell you that your idea might be retarded.

I wanted to believe Anne Hathaway as Catwoman. I tried to grit my teeth and believe her when she purred gimmicky one-liners like “I always knew never to get in cars with strange men” and “Put a little pressure on that, sweetheart”, but I just couldn’t. I knew from the moment she was cast that Hathaway couldn’t pull off femme fatale. She always sounds like one of my funny best friends doing an impression of a sexy badass rather than just being it. It’s not that she wasn’t trying. It just isn’t her persona. I love Hathaway and think she’s a wonderful actress, but I just got a very cheesy impression of Catwoman. Nevertheless, girl looks good in a leather cat suit. (I couldn’t find a clip of her one-liners, but here’s her first meeting with Bruce.)

But then there’s Joseph Gordon Levitt. He can go from playing a lovesick sweetheart in (500) Days of Summer to heroic, solemn policeman, Blake. There’s this one monologue he gives that is so believable that I was sitting there thinking, That’s an actor. So maybe Levitt is more versatile than Hathaway in the sense that he can wipe the slate clean for an audience and give you a different performance every time. Or maybe I’m just overthinking this.

The Dark Knight Rises is number one at the box office right now, so there will most likely be another installment within the next few years. I’m sure Hathaway will reprise her role despite my qualms, but there’s still one character that hasn’t shown his face yet: Batman’s sidekick, Robin. Knowing the somber tone of Nolan’s past three films, I’m thinking the original costume might need an upgrade.

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